Thursday, 30 August 2012

On Trust and Clinging

On the relief of finding trust, I can let go of all that I cling to.

And what do I cling to? I cling to desiring certain outcomes. If this works out this way, or that way, I'll be okay. I'll be able to cope. I'll feel secure. And in that clinging, feeling the energy inside my body -wringing, wrenching, twisting, anxiety. But on trusting, it really doesn't matter whether the outcome is that which I desire or not. On trusting, I am quite happy as I am, where I am, doing what I do and being happy. In this moment. A state of acceptance, enjoyment, gratitude, love, friendship, nourishment. It's
all here now, already.

So what else do I cling to? Well, I cling to wanting more. It never being enough. Whereas in reality, in a state of trust, I know that it is perfect. Any more would be too much, and too much of something is overcrowding, is, can be suffocating, and can even lead to insanity if taken too far. So what I have, what I experience is just right. Just right. No more, no less.

I cling to wanting to learn faster. While in a state of trust I accept that I learn at the rate I learn and that I learn all I need to learn to lead a fulfilled and purposeful life. And when the time is right, my rose will bloom. I have no doubt.

Impatience clings to me. It has clung to me since I was a tiny child. Mmm. In a state of trust I am already where I am meant to be, and I know it. So there is no room for impatience. Mmm.

And something else I cling to. Time. My life itself. I try to pull back time. I try to avoid seeing my body age. I try to avoid acknowledging that I am now as old as my mother was. I cling to the desire of eternal youth! Whoa! What a myth. What a myth that is. On one level. And yet, when I trust, in a state of trust I realise that eternal youth is mine. Alas, not in the body, but a state of being. Then I am free to enjoy the ageing process and the riches that come along the way.

I cling to wanting more. I want it all and I want it now. Dear, dear! What a predicament. Am I desiring insanity? On trusting, I know that I have it all and I have it now.

Another word for trust? Acceptance.